Sunday, November 14, 2010

Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind....

My Sharona by the Kinks. Kinks, kinky. See what I did there?

Sigh, nevermind.

Anyhoo, I thought it was about time I gave an update on the kink site I joined. Things are going very well and I've met a lot of very nice people. More importantly though, I've learned a TON.

One thing that's hit me time and time again in the month or so I've been on there is how many things from my last relationship make more sense to me now. I really just didn't get it before. I had an idea, sure. But I have a much firmer grasp and understanding of things now. I kind of wish I'd have the chance to talk to my ex again about this stuff. It would be interesting to say the least.

I've also learned a lot about myself. For instance, years back, the very first things I learned about kink was through being an online sub to a friend. For years that stuck with me and I definitely have submissive leanings and desires. Then with my ex, I became something of a domme by default. I enjoy both. Once I got on the site, I immediately assumed I was a switch. After doing a lot of reading and asking questions, I see now that I definitely lean more towards topping and bottoming than doming and subbing. While I have no problem subbing, I have definite limits. Not just Hard limits, but I'm more of a bedroom sub than a lifestyle one.

As for topping/domming one of the most interesting things I've figured out is my forte seems to be ownership. I've discovered I really enjoy pet play and would much rather have a pet than a slave. I'm a very affection, protective person and that just fits so well with pets. It's funny, I indulged in pet play with the ex without really noticing. He was my puppy. It was a nickname, yeah, but it was also a cue that it was playtime and I was feeling controlling and he better be ready to obey me. I have a kitty now. A very sweet boy who couldn't be anything but a kitten.

I've learned I'm absolutely a sensual domme/top/owner/sub/bottom. I have no interest or desire for pain and punishment (other than teasing and denial) and that doesn't make me any less than the next kinky person. I used to feel like I somehow wasn't 'real' because I didn't want or want to inflict pain. Now I know it's all about what fits you.

So yeah. Things are going very well. Met some great, helpful people and make some new friends. Mission accomplished.

I guess that means it's time for a new mission ;)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

LDR # 4....Yes, I'm Skipping 3 For Now....

#4 and I met, online first, through mutual friends....namely #3. We hit it off right away as great friends. We had similiar senses of humour and just got along really well. We talked regularly online for close to a year before we met. He lived in NYC where a number of my friends lived. I hadn't seen them in a while so in December of 2007, I decided a visit was long over due.

One of my best friends lives on LI, so I let him know I'd be coming down, but I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone else. Well, almost everyone else.

See, one of the people I was looking forward to seeing just happened to be #3. I let him know I was coming down, was looking forward to seeing him and MIGHT need a place to stay (I was dropping hints the size of Montana). He was happy to hear I would be visiting but let me know that he had started seeing someone. At the risk of spoiling the ending to Chapter LDR #3, he told me that him and a girl he had been sleeping with off and on while him and I were together (I knew all about it, we really had no strings) had gotten more serious and decided to take a shot at actually dating. I was disappointed for sure, he had always made me feel wonderful about myself, but I understood. I'll admit now that I had a bit of a problem with her in times past. I always felt that she was prettier and sexier than me and I was jealous that she was closer and got to spend more time with him than I did. But I told him then....and I meant it...that I was happy for him. He was the first guy who never lied to me about anything. He did, and does, value honesty above all else. It also didn't take long for me to realize what a smart, sweet and all around great girl she really is. They're still together today and they make a much better pair than him and I would've.

Without him to worry about, I felt like I really had a chance to see if there was anything between 4 and me. My best friend and I concocted a plan to get a bunch of my friends together for dinner in the city. They all met up at Penn Station where I snuck up on and surprised them. It was so great, people were surprised and happy to see me and I realized how much I missed my friends. 4 and I shared a huge hug and he was thrilled that I was there. We had a great dinner then headed to Rockefellar Center to see the Christmas tree. It was a beautiful night. I had fun with everyone but it was so nice to be with him. We held hands and hugged a lot. When the night was over, we all said our goodbyes until the next day.

The next day, my best friend and I met up with him at Penn again. I absolutely LOVE Christmas. I live all year round for it. So I couldn't possibly be in NYC at that time of year and not go to Macy's.

For anyone who doesn't know, Macy's department store in Manhatten is HUGE. Like, a full city block kind of huge. And they devote roughly half of an entire floor to their Christmas and Santa set. It's called Santaland and is this unbelievable maze of trees and decorations and huge displays. It meant a lot to me to be able to share that with them. Him and I got our picture taken with Santa which I still have in a frame on a shelf.

After that we headed to Brooklyn to meet up with friends at a bar. We had a great night with lots more hand holding and many a cuddle. The evening ended back where it began at Penn only we were much tipsyier this time. We hugged for a long time. I was so glad to have gone and finally met him and I definitely felt something. I was leaving the next morning and knew I wouldn't be back for months anyway. I was so torn over kissing him but finally didn't. With one last hug and a kiss on the cheek, we parted ways.

I regretted it immediately.

Once I got back to my friend's place, I texted him. We chatted a bit and I told him I wanted to kiss him. He got mad at himself because he wanted to kiss me too but wasn't sure if he should. We both laughed at what idiots we were and said next time not having the slightest clue when next time would be.

That was my favourite trip to NYC....